The Scars Bleed Deeper

The scars cut deeper,
Deeper than you know,
The blood flows more freely,
Following the silver blade
Down, across, back, and forth,
All across my upper arms, back, belly, shins.

‘Nessai says that I have to stop,
Stop the pain, stop the scars,
Stop the crying, stop the silences.
I know I should listen, but I can’t.
I know no one will read this,
I know no one will care.
So I continue to read,
So I continue to write,
So I continue to cut.

I’m walking at night, alone.
I’m running through the rain.
I’m dreaming through the days,
Trying to keep the memories,
Trying to keep my life,
Trying to keep everything hidden away.
I’ve been replaced,
I’ve been beaten,
I’ve been left bleeding on the floor.

I still don’t say the words,
I still don’t tell,
I still don’t talk about my past.
I sit on my bed,
Staring at the wall,
Staring at the back of a picture,
Staring through the page,
To the image that brings me so much pain.

A picture of my past,
A picture of a tree,
A picture of something I saw,
For every day of my life,
For eleven years
And now,
Will never see again.