What Right Do You Have?

What right do you have
To judge me?
You have no right.
What right do you have
To make me say my secrets?
You have NO right.
Why do you laugh at me
For not remembering?

Because I am stupid,
Because I am a moron,
Because I am useless?
Why do you betray me
For being what I am?
Because I am something
That you are not?

Why do you pretend to be my friend?
Why do you gain my trust,
Only to stab me in the back,
And leave me dying in the gutter?
Because I have no memory,
Because I am to kind, to forgiving,
Because I am insane.

Why do you say you are my friend,
And then turn around and ignore me
Like everyone else?
You wanted to know
Why I keep my secrets hidden?
Why I don’t cry?
Why I don’t show emotion
Or how smart I really am?
Fine, I’ll tell you why.
Because my secrets hurt people.
They hurt me as well.
I don’t cry because people see it
As weakness and use it against you.

I don’t show emotion
Because each time I get
Stabbed in the back
It hurts just a little less.
I have learned that the smarter you are
The more people push you around,
The more they use you.
I hate to be used
And yet my friends do it
All the fucking time.
So why can’t you just leave me
To be me?

Just don’t talk to me,
Just ignore me like you always do.
Then it will hurt less
The next time you leave me alone.
What happens the next time
If you come back and I’m never there?
What happens if I keep running
And never come back?
It would be so easy.
Easier than slicing through my vein.
I’m obsessed with endings,
So here’s mine.
I DIED!

I am dying ever so slowly,
Prolonging the torture would be worse.
All I want to do is die.
Maybe then I’d stop being so annoying.
I am shattered,
Cut and bleeding from the pieces.
Yet no one cares,
No one even notices.
All they see is the ugly fat moron-girl
Sitting quietly in the corner reading.
They don’t see her tears.
They don’t hear her screams or her sobs.
Only the late-night wind has,
Only the late-night has tried
To make them go away.
So why can’t I run?
Why do I always come back to here?

All I want is a place to belong,
A place where I fit in for once.
I used to have that.
I wish I could go back then,
I would give anything to go back.
Even my life.
Look at my eyes and all you see
Is vacant emptiness.
No one lives there anymore.
I’m living in the past that
I am trying so hard to run away from.
All I can feel is pain,
All I can hear is a deafening silence,
All I can taste is my blood,
All I can see is a darkness so complete
That no light can ever pierce it.
So why can’t I run?
Why can’t I leave?
Why can’t I die?

I’m all alone.
No one will ever read this,
No one will ever care.
The ones I trusted have betrayed me.
Only the wind will see me cry,
Only the wind will see me die.
The rain is falling outside,
Calling me, beckoning,
For my soul to come dance
In the falling tears.
The flames are dancing,
Calling me, beckoning,
For my soul to come dance
Within the flickering light.
My true friends,
The only ones I trust
With my life.
Them and those who are dead.

I forever more swear
Never to trust another human,
Never to hope for anything,
Never to believe that I will be alright.
It has only brought me pain,
And I can’t deal with it anymore.
So please just let me
Fade away in to the shadows.
It’s all I want.

It’ll stop the mocking laughter of others,
It’ll stop the taunts,
It’ll stop the lies.
Just let me run,
Just let me cry,
Just let me feel something
Other than betrayal,
Just let me die.

But if I die today,
Will anyone remember me tomorrow?
Will anyone mourn my passing?
Probably not after the first few hours.
They would replace me with someone else,
They wouldn’t even remember my name.
As in life, in death.